Vision Board

I haven't been able to hope much lately. Any spark of hope has quickly been extinguished in the past two years. Anything good, or what I thought might be good, has ended bad. Hasn't turned out. Has done its best to destroy me. So, I've stopped hoping for good things. I've stopped looking for the good. Why? If it just turns out bad in the long run? The excitement, turns to pain. The job I thought I would love, sucks. The man who came back into my life, gets charged with sexual interference. The loves, the hope, they leave me in brutal ways. I gain self respect, I lose friends. It's a lonely place. So, I don't often think about what I want. What I hope for. But this is what I want:

- friends who will sit in the muck with me just like I would do for them, the ability to ask them for help, and not to be drained by interactions

- a love who loves me like I love them. Who fights for me. Who wants me for me, not the me who consoles, supports them and I get nothing in return. Something true, something I can trust, something I won't run from. Someone who thinks I'm beautiful.

- for the shaking in my limbs to be resolved. And not something scary.

- a job wear I can contribute and I'm appreciated. To make a difference with my creativity and brain. I'm smart, I'm creative, I wish that was seen. With the money to comfortably support myself. To not have to use food banks. To be able to travel.

- moments of peace and happiness. I realize life is painful but lately seems to be a string of pain, a string of abandonment, a stretch of darkness. I'd like some light, Some peace.

It doesn't seem like a lot. Yet, it's so out of sight.