Crazy

I must be crazy. I must be insane. Because yet again, I found myself in the same situation with the same outcome. They even used the same words. I am courageous. Never had such a compliment sounded so strained. 

Things I was told:

You are family.

I will never abandon you. 

I love you fuck face. 

You changed my life. 

You saved my business  

Those are things you say to a friend. Things you shouldn’t lie about. And yet, when it comes down to everything, I am not even worth a conversation alone. I am not treated as a friend, just a patient. So I have to believe those were lies. Just said to make me feel better. Just said to me when it convenient with no real intension behind them. I’m to blame. I let myself hope. Again. And for what? Yet another broken heart and lost friend. And to know that I am crazy