Tenderness

So, romance is a little foreign to me. As I've mentioned in the past, it can make me uncomfortable. I'm just not used to it. I'm also not used to tenderness. Yes, I'm a snuggly gal, but I'm talking about tenderness during sex. I've always thought of sex three ways: fucking, love-making, and just plain sex. And I've really only made love a very long time ago to one man who I love very much and he loved me. And it was sweet and tender. So much so, that sometimes he would weep. It was an actual physical expression of love. And it was quite an overwhelming feeling to me. And him.

Since then, my love hasn't been reciprocated. I been with plenty of men, but I'm always sex kitten Cas, porn star Cas. I've liked these men, but it hasn't been love. It's definitely not love making. It's sex or fucking. Yes, there can be feelings involved, but nothing like the love-making. It's more for pleasure and fun. And pleasing another.

When I slept with Grocery Boy a couple days ago, I was expecting my norm. He's been very clear he's not looking for love, a wife, a mom for his kid. He's looking to scratch a need and fulfil one for me. So, I was shocked at his tenderness. A kiss on the top of my head. Gentle kisses down my spine. And I found it uncomfortable. So, I quickly switched to dirty talk. A signal this wasn't love-making. But, it there a place for tenderness when you aren't in love? And can I let down my porn star persona to let it in? Even if there isn't that love or a future? Can tenderness be included in sex and fucking? And can I stop putting a wall up to it? Feelings. I feel them.