Where do you hide your "goodies"?

I am sure most of us have a "goodie" drawer! You know, that place, that special place where you keep your sex toys, various erotic literature and buckets of lube. A handy place that gives you easy access to your "goodies" when you need them most, but keeps them squirreled away from prying eyes who may enter your home. For me, I keep condoms under my clock radio (I wonder if that is bad for them, hmmmm....) and the rest of my goodies at the back of my underwear drawer, underneath some lingerie. Not the most unique place, but it is safe, hidden away from the world and within arms reach of my bed. But I wonder where others hide their "goodies"?

I must admit, when I go to visit a friend, one of my first thoughts is "I wonder where they keep their treasure chest....." Isn't that horrible? It must stem from my chance encounter under my parents bed at the age of 12. You see, I was being a rotten child searching for Christmas presents one day after school. Both my mom and my step-dad were out at work, so I was able to search freely. I thought to myself, "If I was going to hide something I didn't want found, where would I do it?" Of course, under the bed. So, I started my search. I didn't find any Christmas presents, but I did find a wealth of goodies. I first stumbled across a ton of Playboys. Okay, not too bad. Most men seem to have a stash of those. And then I found another pile, the Playgirls! Mom, you vixen! As I leafed through the magazines, I was quite shocked at the numerous cocks displayed before my 12 year old self! Me and my dirty little pubescent mind decided to explore further! What else could be hiding behind the skirt of that bed? I next pulled out a game, the Erogenous Zone! If I didn't know what an erogenous zone was, I certainly found out after that. The game contained props as well including massage oils and lubricants. I put the game back together and for a split second though about not continuing. And then I felt it, a bag. A harmless looking sports bag. Hmmm, what could be in here? Better judgment should have taken over at that point, but I was almost a dirty teenager, I just had to look. Today I wish I hadn't. Hidden amongst the scarves I can only assume were used for light bondage was the biggest pink dildo I had ever seen. Okay, I had never seen a dildo at that point of my life, but it was enormous. To this day, through all of my many excursion to local sex shops, I have never, ever seen a dildo that large. The pink dildo cured my curiosity for that day and I carefully put everything back under the bed just at it had been. I was scarred. And I never searched for Christmas presents again.

Last year, at a family wedding, my sister, step-sister and I started joking about my parents' sex life after a bottle of wine. You see, the second marriage opened up new sexual experiences my both my mom and my step-dad. We were joking about their Friday night excursions. Every Friday night, they would "head to bed early". And then it would start. First the loud music and then the "sex sounds" meant to be covered by the loud music. We were having a giggle over our parents obliviousness, when my step-sister said the words I will never forget "You think that was bad, you should see what I found underneath their bed!" "Oh my god," I shouted, "the big pink dildo". My sister squealed, she had found it too! On separate occasions, all three of us had been scarred at the sight of the biggest dildo we had ever seen.

So, take care when you are hiding your goodies. You may just end up a family joke many years later! Oh yeah, and stay out of my underwear drawer. And if you ever see a mysterious old pot sitting on my stove when you stop by unexpectedly, don't look inside, I may just be boiling my vibe, and I don't want to scar you for life!