Anniversaries...

**Warning: This post discusses suicide which may be triggering to some**

It's the anniversary of my suicide attempt. One year ago today, I sat numbly in my bathroom taking handfuls of precisely cut pills for maximum damage. I wanted to die, I was ready to die. And I thought I would never wake up again once I stumbled to my bed. But I did wake up. In a hospital after days of delusions, days of being strapped to a bed, days of being guarded. It's all still very hazy and it's probably best that it is. 

To be honest, the year that has followed hasn't been easy. It's probably been one of the hardest of my life. I still wish sometimes I was successful. But I'm learning. I'm learning to live with the pain. I'm learning that you can be in great pain but still have moments of joy. It's the suffering that's optional. So today I reflect. Today, I am gentle with myself. Today, I reached out because I needed to. I am here today. And I'll be here tomorrow.