Dear Tinder Guys

Hey Tinder Guys,

Nice to meet you. Your pics are lovely. But, here's a little advice....

Number 1: Don't post bathroom selfies dude, or really any shirtless poses pics. You're hot, I get it it, but dude, you look so douchy. Wanna show me your bod? Do something active without a shirt on. And seriously, those shower pics...save them for later.

Number 2: Just say goodbye. It's easy, just say "We aren't clicking. I'm going to spend my time elsewhere." Not a problem! Not at all! Believe me, I won't be crushed our 30 minute text relationship ending. You would never just walk away in the middle of a real life convo, so, just be polite.

Number 3: Take me on a date! I mean, I know that's hard right now, but walks are okay, walks and a coffee cups of French 75s are okay. I'm probably going to sleep with you soon. I'm like that. But I need a little introduction first. In public. I'm not just going to come over and suck your dick without having met you. Call me old fashioned.

Number 4: Comments like "you're pretty without your glasses" maybe edit. I mean, I know I'm not stunningly attractive but I'm sexy and cute. You don't need to put a disclaimer on your compliment. I see what you're doing there. Classic Barney Stinson dude. Just give someone the compliment without putting her down at the same time. It makes you kinda douchy....again.

Number 5: And this goes for you too ladies, when a person says they're not in it for the long haul, believe them. You are awesome and wonderful and there might be that one person out there that might fall in love with you and change, but you can't expect that. And if you're willing to gamble your heart, do it. Hearts are made to be broken and repaired over and over but don't get mad at me for breaking things off because they are getting too serious. I was honest all along. Long term relationships are about chemistry and timing. Listen to me when I tell you my timing isn't right.

Number 6: Ask questions. Ask lots of questions. Please don't make me drive the conversation alone. And get to know me. I swear the last guy I dated from Tinder, really doesn't know me. He never asked any questions. Secret time: girls will drop their panties if they feel engaged and connected to you. So ask away.

I'm sure I have much more. But for now, work on those Tinder boys. Up your game.