Dying

**Warning, this post discusses suicidal ideations that may be triggering for some individuals. If you are experiencing thoughts of taking your life, please reach out to you local crisis line or take yourself to emergency. In BC, you can dial 211.**

My favourite bartender is dying. He has been dying for awhile now. Battling a tumour he calls "Karen," he is waging an extreme battle for his life. After his first round of chemo, Karen, "that fucking bitch" had a baby. And just this week they've discovered she's set up camp in his lungs as well. He currently has chemo so aggressive that he is hospitalized, followed by bone and stem cell transplants, followed by an all day surgery performed by 4 surgeons, followed by more chemo. And he's got a 50% chance. The toss of a coin.

And yet he's fighting the good fight. He's approaching it with humour and grace. And I wonder what I would do in his situation.

Often, in the dark, I have wished for a terminal illness. Easier than suicide, no questions would arise about my mental health, no one would have to deal with the after effects of suicide. I would just go into the night. I would not fight the good fight. I would just go. And I look at Corey with a bit of jealousy and shame. Here is a man, battling, fighting, waging war to stay here, to stay alive. And maybe there is a lesson for me in that. Maybe life isn't easy, but it's worth the fight.

Fight the good fight Corey.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=qpLQv5xL9Dc&list=LM