Quelqu'un m'a dit...

Quelqu'un m'a dit...that you are unhappy. I don't think I want to know this fact. I actually don't really know if I believe it. Rumours rarely turn out to have teeth. I want you to be happy as you gave up a lot for this life. But, quelqu'un m'a dit...that you are being controlled by someone else's insecurities. That you want things to change.

I'm not your friend anymore, so I am sure my advice means nothing, but I will scream this at the wind in hopes it may help you out. Stop being a coward. Stop picking women who control you. Stop fading into someone else's life and fucking live your own. Yup, being lonely sucks. But living a life with someone just because you're scared to be alone is worse. And you, my friend, are scared.

We talked about you today in DBT. Because I have been releasing you and forgiving you but you still show up in my dreams to either laugh at me or refuse to speak to me. I've been told I'm missing a step. Anger. Anger for invalidating my feelings, anger for doing exactly to me what the abusers of my past did even though you knew my trauma, anger for (hopefully unintentionally?) cementing that I am unlovable and that expressing my feelings lead to abandonment. So, I'm going to be pissed for a while. I'm not going to offer you forgiveness. And that's okay. And I hope the hauntings stop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EelX_LwPHbA