Sex or love?

I dated J through the fall. He was sweet, he was nice, he was boring, and he was too attached. But the sex, oh the sex. Toe curling, panty dropping sex. Sex 4 to 5 times a night. Sex, sex, sex. 

I moved on to someone else at the beginning of the year. J was planning a life I didn't see for us. So, I decided to eat cake. Cake that I have wanted for 9 years. And it's comfortable and fun and full of communication and laughs. 

But the sex....it's not there yet. It's okay but there are a few issues that need to be shaken out. So, what's more important? The sex or the connection? Sex is something I've never had to work at, so can it turn great after a little work? And what if it needs to be kinky all the time to get him off? Can too much porn ruin someone for basic vanilla sex? Or, is it just getting older? Maybe Kinky Cas just needs to kick things up a notch....bring on the ball gag.