The Graduate

My nephew graduates high school on Tuesday. His graduation will not be like mine...one of the best days of my life. I was celebrated and I knew I was escaping to freedom soon. The pictures of me just show this giant toothy smile. The Class of 2021 really haven't been able to celebrate much and my nephew's diploma celebration will consist of him and two adults of his choosing. And that's it. When I talked to his dad about going over, J said he couldn't make it but his son was okay with that. Now, I know my nephew....and he's me. If I had a kid, he'd be him. And I knew he was upset. He just would never say anything. So I offered to go over. And he was so excited. So excited in fact he took two days off of work so we could hang out. And so did his older sister.

I'm so fortunate to have these close connection with my eldest niece and nephew. And damn, they are awesome people. My niece is designing me a semicolon tattoo that I might let her burn into my skin if she gets the proper tools. They love me without judgement as I do them. They do ridiculous things with me. We talked about everything, including mental health. 

I need to remind me my Dad would love me the same way. That he would be proud no matter where my life's gone. My DBT session last week got a little heavy into Daddy issues. Feeling like I've let him down, that I didn't live up to the heavy expectations the world had of me. I would hope he would love me like I love Josh and not be disappointed in me. I live with a lot of shame...mostly of my own making. I wish I could put that down and just be proud of myself.