Who Shot JR?
I had a blast from the past the other day as I drove by one of my ex-boyfriends walking down the street carrying 48 bottles of beer. You heard me, 2 cases of 24 corona! Walking down the street! And I thought to myself, "four years later, times haven't changed"! Good old JR!
I met JR through a mutual friend, Ash, a few years back. He was a little rough around the edges, but cute. And he seemed to be quite taken with me. I don't think I realised how rough he actually was.
JR and I hung out a few times before going on the inevitable coffee date. We had fun, drank too much coffee and then went our separate ways. I was confused, I was pretty sure he liked me, but then there was nothing. A week later, we met up at Ash's house and hung out. He decided to walk me out to my car and as I was getting in, he pounced on me, pushed me against the car, and stuck his tongue down my throat. Me being the classy bitch I am said "where the hell did that come from?". And that was the start of our affair.
The next day, I was studying hard for exams. To my surprise there was a knock at the door. It was JR! I decided to take a study break. We got to some playing on the couch and the next thing I hear whispered in my ear is "can I fuck your pussy"? Yup, not "you're really beautiful", "wow, nice bra" or even "holy crap you have big tits". No no, "can I fuck your pussy". Now, I must admit, I didn't quite understand what he had actually said at first. But it became louder and louder and louder, so there was no mistaking his words. Okay, so I just met this guy, what the hell was up with that? But being meek and mild, I didn't say anything and I racked it up to too many pornos and not enough experience. And for those of you who are curious, I didn't let him "fuck my pussy" that day! Three days later, well that was a different story.
JR was a hard drinking guy who smoked a ton of pot. A ton. Like 8 joints a night. At least. And packing away 15 beers a night was really just a regular Friday night, hence I laughed out loud when I saw him packing the beer. Things probably haven't changed that much for JR.
About 2 months into our trist, I had one of the most interesting nights with JR. I picked him up from a buddy's house on a Friday afternoon. You see, we had plans to go to a party at my friend's Skidder's house. And when I say picking him up, I literally mean picking him up! For those of you who met JR, you know what a large guy he was, but 12 beer into him and he becomes dead weight. So, with a little help, I crammed him into my Honda Accord. I could hear the beer sloshing in his gullet as we drove down the street. This should be an interesting night, I thought to myself. I took him on a brief stop, before heading to the party, to pick up a couple friends. In their apartment, JR proceeded to pick up a very grouchy cat who clawed him within an inch of his life. Okay, again, with normal reflexes, if a cat was scratching you would put it down right? No no, not JR! He just kept holding the cat tighter repeating "nice kitty kitty, nice kitty kitty". And then the blood started to pore. I am not sure if you know what 12 beers does to a blood stream, but it dilutes it, a lot. And clotting doesn't happen as quick as it would in a sober person. So, here standing in front of me is my highly intoxicated boyfriend, bleeding all over my friend's carpet, squishing their cat. Good times.
Eventually, we all made it to Skidder's house to the party, JR beat up, with blood speckled clothing and me wondering how we were going to make it through the night. My friends fell in love with him! How great, Cas has brought a drunk guy to the party, let's give him shots of tequila and JD. The party got a little randy, and a boy who was very fascinated with "boobies, both his own and others, decided to grab mine - not a good plan with a 300lbs drunk, uninhibited boyfriend by my side. I dragged JR outside before a fight ensued, thinking I was finally safe and ready to get this guy home. I was wrong, before I know it, JR is urinated all over "booby" man's motorcycle. All over it. Even on the seat. Nasty.
As I drove home, his head flopped in my lap, our entire future slurred out of JR's mouth. We were going to have a dog. We were going to have a boat. We were going to have a van and kids to fill it. I nearly died. I just wanted him to stop, but no, it just kept coming. And then, those three little words every girls long to hear 2 months into her relationship. "I love you man, I love you so much, I love you so much...". Yikes, I knew it was time to run!
I didn't stay with JR much longer after that - it just wasn't the life for me. Yeah, I would have loved the boat, but I didn't love the man. So, to JR, I hope life is good for you! I hope you are happy, healthy and loved. And man, have another beer for me!
I met JR through a mutual friend, Ash, a few years back. He was a little rough around the edges, but cute. And he seemed to be quite taken with me. I don't think I realised how rough he actually was.
JR and I hung out a few times before going on the inevitable coffee date. We had fun, drank too much coffee and then went our separate ways. I was confused, I was pretty sure he liked me, but then there was nothing. A week later, we met up at Ash's house and hung out. He decided to walk me out to my car and as I was getting in, he pounced on me, pushed me against the car, and stuck his tongue down my throat. Me being the classy bitch I am said "where the hell did that come from?". And that was the start of our affair.
The next day, I was studying hard for exams. To my surprise there was a knock at the door. It was JR! I decided to take a study break. We got to some playing on the couch and the next thing I hear whispered in my ear is "can I fuck your pussy"? Yup, not "you're really beautiful", "wow, nice bra" or even "holy crap you have big tits". No no, "can I fuck your pussy". Now, I must admit, I didn't quite understand what he had actually said at first. But it became louder and louder and louder, so there was no mistaking his words. Okay, so I just met this guy, what the hell was up with that? But being meek and mild, I didn't say anything and I racked it up to too many pornos and not enough experience. And for those of you who are curious, I didn't let him "fuck my pussy" that day! Three days later, well that was a different story.
JR was a hard drinking guy who smoked a ton of pot. A ton. Like 8 joints a night. At least. And packing away 15 beers a night was really just a regular Friday night, hence I laughed out loud when I saw him packing the beer. Things probably haven't changed that much for JR.
About 2 months into our trist, I had one of the most interesting nights with JR. I picked him up from a buddy's house on a Friday afternoon. You see, we had plans to go to a party at my friend's Skidder's house. And when I say picking him up, I literally mean picking him up! For those of you who met JR, you know what a large guy he was, but 12 beer into him and he becomes dead weight. So, with a little help, I crammed him into my Honda Accord. I could hear the beer sloshing in his gullet as we drove down the street. This should be an interesting night, I thought to myself. I took him on a brief stop, before heading to the party, to pick up a couple friends. In their apartment, JR proceeded to pick up a very grouchy cat who clawed him within an inch of his life. Okay, again, with normal reflexes, if a cat was scratching you would put it down right? No no, not JR! He just kept holding the cat tighter repeating "nice kitty kitty, nice kitty kitty". And then the blood started to pore. I am not sure if you know what 12 beers does to a blood stream, but it dilutes it, a lot. And clotting doesn't happen as quick as it would in a sober person. So, here standing in front of me is my highly intoxicated boyfriend, bleeding all over my friend's carpet, squishing their cat. Good times.
Eventually, we all made it to Skidder's house to the party, JR beat up, with blood speckled clothing and me wondering how we were going to make it through the night. My friends fell in love with him! How great, Cas has brought a drunk guy to the party, let's give him shots of tequila and JD. The party got a little randy, and a boy who was very fascinated with "boobies, both his own and others, decided to grab mine - not a good plan with a 300lbs drunk, uninhibited boyfriend by my side. I dragged JR outside before a fight ensued, thinking I was finally safe and ready to get this guy home. I was wrong, before I know it, JR is urinated all over "booby" man's motorcycle. All over it. Even on the seat. Nasty.
As I drove home, his head flopped in my lap, our entire future slurred out of JR's mouth. We were going to have a dog. We were going to have a boat. We were going to have a van and kids to fill it. I nearly died. I just wanted him to stop, but no, it just kept coming. And then, those three little words every girls long to hear 2 months into her relationship. "I love you man, I love you so much, I love you so much...". Yikes, I knew it was time to run!
I didn't stay with JR much longer after that - it just wasn't the life for me. Yeah, I would have loved the boat, but I didn't love the man. So, to JR, I hope life is good for you! I hope you are happy, healthy and loved. And man, have another beer for me!
posted by Cascadia at 4:10 PM
1 Comments:
LMAO... Great story!
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