DUI - Dialing Under the Influence
I would like to thank all the chickadees who were brave enough to give comments on my last posting! You guys are awesome. And you have some weird things you do when you are alone. I like somewhere deep inside we all have gross things we do. Yes, we are a little crazy. But I think these things make us us. In all honesty, I need a little bit of craziness in my world - helps me escape the really bad stuff that I just can't handle.
So, in my last posting, I mentioned some of my SSB, secret single behaviour, but believe it or not, there is more, way more. I won't go into all of the detail, but off the top of my head - I store bugs in my freezer for my entomology collections, I hate doing dishes and if people drop by unexpectedly, I will hide dirty dishes in my oven, and finally, I am a DUI - a dialer under the influence.
Yes, yes, my name is Cassie, and I call people when I am drunk. Not so much anymore, as I don't drink that much anymore, but in my past, it was routine. Now, you may ask, why, why do you do that? Well, when I am intoxicated, I think I am the funniest person in the world. And, being so funny, why not share this with others? It started harmlessly enough, but progressed. You see, I had a mentor for DUI in the early years, a boy from high school at a different university from me who would call me every time he was loaded. This started our oh so romantic love affair, over the phone. Yes, I has phone sex, drunken phone sex, for over a year with this guy almost every weekend. I guess it was better than being alone.
Eventually, we moved on, but the behaviour didn't stop. And with my increased knowledge of computers, DUI became, EUI, emailing while drunk. I thought it was the funniest thing! Oh so funny. But, I am not a typer at the best of times and really, if I sent you an email while I was drunk, you wouldn't be able to understand a thing.
My last episode of DUI was almost 6 months ago. I decided after a bottle of red wine and a few beers within the span of 90 minutes, to call my exboyfriend in Vancouver. Yup, I did. I thought to myself, I am over him, a nice chat would be great! I think he would really appreciate it! So, I dialed. It is amazing to me how well I can dial while shit-faced. He answered, we talked. I thought it was nice. Apparently not. His girlfriend was sitting beside him the whole time, hating me. And I am pretty sure he does too! I didn't say anything bad, I didn't cry and beg for him to come back, but the act of the DUI is dangerous enough in its self. Then, to make matters worse, I picked up the phone again and called my very good friend, also in Vancouver, and proceeded to ask him again and again why "he hadn't fucked me yet". "Get over here right now and fuck me". Good times. Luckily, my friend has a great sense of humour and only brings it up every now and then to completely mortify me!
That night, I hung up my dialing fingers and have gone cold turkey. Do I think I will dial again, without a doubt. But now I am smart, now I hide my phones! Let this be a warning to you all - stay away from the DUI.
So, in my last posting, I mentioned some of my SSB, secret single behaviour, but believe it or not, there is more, way more. I won't go into all of the detail, but off the top of my head - I store bugs in my freezer for my entomology collections, I hate doing dishes and if people drop by unexpectedly, I will hide dirty dishes in my oven, and finally, I am a DUI - a dialer under the influence.
Yes, yes, my name is Cassie, and I call people when I am drunk. Not so much anymore, as I don't drink that much anymore, but in my past, it was routine. Now, you may ask, why, why do you do that? Well, when I am intoxicated, I think I am the funniest person in the world. And, being so funny, why not share this with others? It started harmlessly enough, but progressed. You see, I had a mentor for DUI in the early years, a boy from high school at a different university from me who would call me every time he was loaded. This started our oh so romantic love affair, over the phone. Yes, I has phone sex, drunken phone sex, for over a year with this guy almost every weekend. I guess it was better than being alone.
Eventually, we moved on, but the behaviour didn't stop. And with my increased knowledge of computers, DUI became, EUI, emailing while drunk. I thought it was the funniest thing! Oh so funny. But, I am not a typer at the best of times and really, if I sent you an email while I was drunk, you wouldn't be able to understand a thing.
My last episode of DUI was almost 6 months ago. I decided after a bottle of red wine and a few beers within the span of 90 minutes, to call my exboyfriend in Vancouver. Yup, I did. I thought to myself, I am over him, a nice chat would be great! I think he would really appreciate it! So, I dialed. It is amazing to me how well I can dial while shit-faced. He answered, we talked. I thought it was nice. Apparently not. His girlfriend was sitting beside him the whole time, hating me. And I am pretty sure he does too! I didn't say anything bad, I didn't cry and beg for him to come back, but the act of the DUI is dangerous enough in its self. Then, to make matters worse, I picked up the phone again and called my very good friend, also in Vancouver, and proceeded to ask him again and again why "he hadn't fucked me yet". "Get over here right now and fuck me". Good times. Luckily, my friend has a great sense of humour and only brings it up every now and then to completely mortify me!
That night, I hung up my dialing fingers and have gone cold turkey. Do I think I will dial again, without a doubt. But now I am smart, now I hide my phones! Let this be a warning to you all - stay away from the DUI.
posted by Cascadia at 12:38 AM
1 Comments:
Oh Cass...
We've all done it... We'll all continue to do it. I'm hoping that someone will invent a something that will attach to the phone and act as a kind of breathalizer. If it senses too much alcohol on your breath... it won't let you dial out.
But where would the fun be in that?
Post a Comment
<< Home