The Little Girl on the Couch
Yesterday was Mental Health Monday! The day I spent doing things that may not always be fun, but are good for my mental state. Well, in theory they are good for my mental state. On hour on my therapist's couch and an hour on my acupuncturist's table followed up by some shopping. Nothing makes a girl feel better than spending $150 on make-up and skin products! (Just an aside, I started my new Clinque facial regime to combat the lovely wrinkles I am developing, and my face had never felt smoother and better.)
I had an interesting voyage into my mind and met someone new to me on my therapists couch yesterday - my inner child. No, I won't call her that, I will call her the child version of Cascadia. The little girl who was emotionally abused, abandoned and hurt constantly. Quite the interesting young lady! And let me say this, and I say this with the most love I could, she is quite the little brat!
I spent my hour switching sides of the couch creating a dialogue between the adult Cascadia and the child Cascadia. Who new this was going on inside on me! Who new I have two people living in there - adult, who can take on the world with confidence and child who is terrified of being hurt again. As I moved from side to side I could feel my demeanor and voice change - small and quiet, hunched and tight for the child and upright and deep for the adult. We fought back and forth and discussed issues, with a little guidance from my shrink. Why is she constantly making me sick? Why does she sabotage my confidence? Why does she float suicidal thoughts into my brain at the most inopportune times? And then, as the session ended, many of the thoughts and epiphanies I had during our conversation floated back into my subconscious where I couldn't grab them. Things I had just said were gone. Imagine saying something outloud, something you have never realized before, just to have it swallowed back into the grey matter which is came from literally in seconds. It was one of the most odd sensations of my life.
My dialogue with Little Cascadia has not ended, I am sure we will meet up on that couch again. Maybe by working with her, I can fix some of the issues going on with Big Cascadia. Therapy - what an odd thing!
I had an interesting voyage into my mind and met someone new to me on my therapists couch yesterday - my inner child. No, I won't call her that, I will call her the child version of Cascadia. The little girl who was emotionally abused, abandoned and hurt constantly. Quite the interesting young lady! And let me say this, and I say this with the most love I could, she is quite the little brat!
I spent my hour switching sides of the couch creating a dialogue between the adult Cascadia and the child Cascadia. Who new this was going on inside on me! Who new I have two people living in there - adult, who can take on the world with confidence and child who is terrified of being hurt again. As I moved from side to side I could feel my demeanor and voice change - small and quiet, hunched and tight for the child and upright and deep for the adult. We fought back and forth and discussed issues, with a little guidance from my shrink. Why is she constantly making me sick? Why does she sabotage my confidence? Why does she float suicidal thoughts into my brain at the most inopportune times? And then, as the session ended, many of the thoughts and epiphanies I had during our conversation floated back into my subconscious where I couldn't grab them. Things I had just said were gone. Imagine saying something outloud, something you have never realized before, just to have it swallowed back into the grey matter which is came from literally in seconds. It was one of the most odd sensations of my life.
My dialogue with Little Cascadia has not ended, I am sure we will meet up on that couch again. Maybe by working with her, I can fix some of the issues going on with Big Cascadia. Therapy - what an odd thing!
posted by Cascadia at 7:15 PM
2 Comments:
We're kindred spirits, you and I, both fighting with our inner children. Mine haunts me with memories and sentiments which confuse my adult self and often terrify me as well. It's so interesting how your past can come back and cripple you in the present.
I'm in awe that you felt strong enough to confront that little girl. That must have been hard. I certainly don't feel strong enough to go there just yet.
Hugs!
Molly.
This is a message to Little Cascadia...
Stop being mean to Big Cascadia!!!
Your time is over... let her get in touch with you so she can live her life the happy and confident person that she deserves to be!!!
Oh... and PS... sometimes Big Cascadia can be a total brat too... ahem... meeting boys in chat rooms for her friends...but that's why we love her :)
Bea
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