Mind the Gap...

Content warning: Self harm and suicide

I feel there is a gap between thinking about hurting yourself...and actually hurting yourself. Somedays the gap is wide, the lines never touch or really, you can never imagine then toughing as they are so far apart. You mind the gap, you navigate. Other times in my life, the lines have crossed, like two years ago. Often people talk about mental illness like walking a tight rope. For me, It's maintaining the gap. You extend the gap through work, through tools, through moments of happiness. You keep an eye on the gap. But the thoughts are always there. Those never really go away.

Icing

Radical acceptance: keep the boys as icing. Build the life worth living in work and friends. I realize this might make me end up a spinster, but it's the way to go.

Hard

This week is hard. It just is. People expect you to embrace your miracle, to be happy you survived. Just trying to feel the feels, not dissociate, or distract with the busyness. And it's hard.