Things I Learned During My Week Away.....

As most of you know, I was away last week. I went back to the town I grew up in for my best friend's wedding! I spent the week with her and her husband-to-be getting ready for the big day. I got to see the town I grew up in and how much it had changed. My childhood home didn't look anything like it did. For my mind, it was a good thing to go back. I dealt with some painful memories, but I can leave them behind now. I never have to go back to the scary, painful childhood. The wedding was great! So much fun and Jen looked beautiful. It was an afternoon wedding and in the evening, the bridal party went out for dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory. Afterwards, about 30 people met up at an Irish Bar called the Blarney Stone in Vancouver for dancing and general celebrations. Nothing gets everyone's attention like a bride and groom in full attire with their bridal party dancing it up to a Celtic band. I had a blast! And, I learned a lot about me. So, without further ado......

Things I Learned During My Week Away....

Everything changes. Everything. Nothing is constant.

We need an Applebee's in Victoria with its $1.99 Bellinis!

You can be standing next to the guy you had your first kiss with and not even know it is him.

It's not so scary driving in Vancouver.

Sometimes your high school crushes just don't work out.

I am officially addicted to pedicures.

I can't believe I haven't watched 24. I need to buy the DVD's.

Even at the age of 28, I still fall out of bed sometimes.

I can make wedding bouquets and I give one hell of a toast.

It hurts to be disappointed by another person. It hurts thousands of time more to be disappointed by someone who you means the world to you.

Nothing is better than ordering room service in your very expensive hotel suite.

You can be so unbelievably happy for someone, but at the same time, be grieving for your own loss. Mixed emotions are a strange thing.

Going a week without self gratification is difficult, even when your sex drive is muted by antidepressants.

I always thought I would have a big wedding. Now, I am not so sure. Not to say the wedding wasn't fun and great, I am just not sure if it is me.

Weddings are exhausting.

I miss being in love. I miss someone loving me.

It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding....

Boy am I ever tired. Yesterday was a great day and a fabulous wedding. Fabulous! But, now I must sleep and nurse my hangover of 2 glasses of champainge, a huge ass bellini and 4 pints of Killkeny. Mmmmmm, Killkeny. I am very tired and weepy today. I think it is a hangover.....it has been a long time since I had one. I will fill you guys in on all the details tomorrow. For now, I am going to bed, oh bed! My sweet sweet bed! I have missed it so....

I'm Off like a Prom Dress....

Well kids! I am off to the big smoke! A ferry ride and some driving, I should be there soon, I hope! I am not sure how much I will be able to blog this week, but I will let y'all know how it went down when I am home sweet home!

Have a fabulous week!
Cas

Always a Bride"s Maid.....

So, I am off tomorrow morning for the fabulous exciting town of Abbotsford. Yup, Fraser Valley, here I come! It is my home town, so it should be exciting to be back there. Well, honestly, I am shitting about going back for so long. A week, a whole week of childhood memories. My shrink has warned me I might regress back into a kid, so I have a bunch of "things", meaning mind exercises, that I have to do while I am there. First and foremost, I have to keep reminding myself I am an adult. Yup, a full grown adult. Should be fun from a mental standpoint. The reason I am going - my best friend is getting married! Yup, she is the first one of our little high school clique to take the plunge! I can hardly believe it. I am the maid of honour and I get to weat the most beautiful pink dress. I feel like a princess in it! I am giving a reading at the wedding and get to give a toast! Yowsers! Does anyone have a ny suggestions for toasts? I guess I should have a plan before I get up there...

So, this is the third go 'round for me as a bride's maid! I was my sister's maid of honour and also in my Stepmom's wedding. (yeah, yeah, I know that sounds weird - my Dad died, my stepmom remarried...) I like being a Bride's Maid, it is quite fun. You get to dress up, get your hair done and at the end of the day, you are still a single gal! I always thought marriage would be really important too me, and it was really important when the guy I was in love with wouldn't even consider it, but as I get older, I am finding myself more relaxed about the whole thing. I have done some soul searching, and really, I am more excited about wearing the big fancy white dress than the marriage. So, maybe when my time comes, if it ever comes, I will just get the dress and skip the nuptials. Then again, maybe not. There is something to be said for all those pressies....kidding.

A brief look into my fucked up mind...

Okay, so my mind works in mysterious ways, if it is working at all. Here is an excerpt from a instant messaging conversation with a friend who just moved to Alberta a few months back.

Cas: Did you watch "the vote"? I am being sucked in by politics lately...

Alberta Friend: No I didn't. What happened?

Cas: Well....it was pretty exciting. 152 for the bill. 152 against the bill. Meaning the speaker had to vote...

AF: Ooh....so the speaker of the house decides and votes with the liberals? So it was all basically pointless.

Cas: Pretty much - Stephen Harper looked like he had been kicked in the teeth. I hate Stephen Harper - no offense if you like him.

AF: Hahahaha. He usually does. As soon as I crossed the border I was overwhelmed with the feeling to beat gays and other conservatism. That man is EVIL!

Cas: Not that I am a big Paul Martin fan, but the thought of Stephen Harper running our country makes me ill.....all the gays better run....lock up the women in their houses barefoot and preggo.

AF: Exactly. I'd vote for Jack Leighton cause he's got that cute little mustache.

Cas: Yeah, Jack is a hottie. Smart guy to...he got Paul to give him stuff!

AF: ....and he's the only other choice.

Cas: Yeah....it is crazy! You should run!

AF: Oh no. I'm not into politics. You should run...you're all into it. All up in it.

Cas: I am into it right now - I would be awful. I am such a fence sitter! This would be me in the house: ummm...Mr speaker, ummm, I think maybe we should discuss, ummmmm, well, something....people would point and laugh and I would run out crying.

AF: You'd whore yourself out to whatever party gave you the best deal. Just like Belinda Stronach!

Cas: Oh my god - maybe I could date hottie Peter McKay and take pictures of him in gay poses with Stephen Harper....

AF: Hottie Peter McKay? That guy looks like a twat!

Cas:It is always the ones that are soooooooooooooooooooooooo against gay rights that are closet homosexuals.

Cas: I bet he has a big dick.

AF:I bet he IS a big dick hahahahaha.

Cas: Hahahahahhahahaha! I think he is sexy. Sexy in a bigot kinda way.

AF:HAHAHAHA oooh god. The sexy bigot. He looks hot in his pointy white hood.

Cas: Nothing is sexier than white robes on a dude. That is why the pope is so fuckable.

AF: ....the pope is FUCKABLE??!??!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!! EEEW! I think I just threw up a little in my mouth! That was gross!

Cas: Just kidding! Why? Did you think I would fuck the pope? I mean I know I like older guys, but wow...

AF: Oh good. Wow. I found a special car in Grand Theft Auto and got to do pimping missions!

Cas: Sweet! At first I thought you wrote poping missions!

AF: Poping missions. I pope-d a cap in a bunch of people's asses.

Cas: The pope mobile baby! At least it is bullet proof.....

AF: I'm not sure now...maybe you would fuck the pope. Make sure to wear rubber shoes though cause there'll be lightning.

Cas: Holy crap. I'd be thinking I was having a mind blowing orgasm, but really, it would be the lightning blowing my mind......maybe I will stay away from the Pope.

Showdown on the Hill....

Okay, so that was what the CBC, yes, the CBC, was touting today's vote as. They are getting as bad as Fox News. So, the government didn't fall. It was a tie - 152 votes to 152 votes, meaning that the speaker of the house had to vote, for the first time in a confidence motion. He voted with the government. Chuck Cadman, an MP from Surrey, voted with the government based on what his constituents wanted. I love that. The man went out, okay, Global went out, and polled the members of his riding. They said they didn't want an election now. And he voted with them. Although Cadman used to be a Conservative, he voted against them. Plus, the man traveled to Ottawa while in the middle of battling cancer. I have much respect for him in doing what the people he represents want.

So, what happens now. I am sure there will another non-confidence vote soon. Regardless, Paul Martin has said that he will call an election within 30 days after the Gomery Inquiry is completed. Looks like we will be going to the polls by the end of the year.

I must admit, I am finding this all fascinating. I got a rush when Chuck Cadman rose in his seat to indicate a "yes" vote. It was kinda like watching a close hockey game, just waiting for on of the teams to score in triple overtime. Who new politics could be so interesting and full of drama. I need a life, right?

These are the People in Your neighborhood....

Victoria is a city with a small town vibe. Even though there are over 300,000 people that live in the Greater Victoria Area, someone always knows someone you know. Always. It can be a little creepy at time. But, what I discovered a few days ago is even creepier....

So, as most of you know, I bought a suite in a character home back in December. I am in a great part of town, couple of minutes away from Downtown, close to malls, shops, you know, the good stuff. But, the longer I live here, the more popular I realize the area is. So, I move in, and I find out down the street lives a guy I once kissed in a bar in front of his girlfriend. Okay, not bad. Then, it turns out a few blocks down lives an ex-boyfriend of mine in an apartment building. And then, as I was walking Dakota last week, I past a house. And, in front of the house was the largest Jeep I am ever seen. Wait a minute, I thought, I have been in that Jeep. Yes folks, JR, the small penis/large vehicle exboyfriend also live two blocks away. To recap, in a two block radius from me, there are three boys who have visited my mouth and two boys that have visited, well, other parts. Strange but true. I wonder who else lives around the corner....

Things I Find Unbelievably Funny...

So, my pal, Marleybone Coach, send me this little ditty. I nearly pee'd myself...

Llama Llama Duck

Update! Politics, Politics, Politics

So, last night was election night in Canada! Well, okay, not Canada, but BC. I don't know why, but I have always enjoyed watching election coverage. Always. Since I was 6 years old! Scary eh? So, last night, I hunkered down on Ralph, my couch, and watched the live coverage. No big surprise, the Liberals are back in for 4 years. The NDP make serious gains, winning in 33 ridings. The Green Party took a hit, a big hit.

You may be wondering how Video Game Boy, or as I like to call him, Mr. Cum Slut, faired. Just to recap, Video Game Boy is a boy I dated back in November who liked to smack around girls in the bedroom. Well, VGB didn't get elected last night, not even close. But, he did come in 3rd in his riding and even beat out the leader of a new party. Slightly scary. I guess we don't really know the people we vote for. Heck, our premier has a drunk driving charge in Hawaii...

On the federal scene, politics are getting interesting. I feel like Parliament Hill should have the postal code 90210. As most of you know, the Liberals and Prime Minister Paul Martin have a minority government, meaning if their budget is not voted through tomorrow, the minority government will be toppled and we will be heading to the polls, again. Oh yeah, and there is a little scandal with the Liberals and some Liberal-friendly advertising firms and millions of dollars. Yesterday's news, Belinda, good old Belinda Stronach defected parties, walked across the floor and joined the Liberals, leaving Stephen Harper and the Conservatives stunned. She effectively changed the numbers so that there will be a tie between the Liberal (and the NDP) and the Conservatives (and the Bloc) during the vote on the budget tomorrow. The state of the country lies with two independent MP's. Two very popular MP's that I am sure are getting wooed as I type this. So exciting! There is so much intrigue, backdoor dealing and name calling. They really should make this stuff into a TV show - oh wait, they have, it is called the news. So, Belinda, she gets a big portfolio to run (Minister of Human Resources) as reward for leaving the Conservatives. Even better though, she has been dating the very sexy Conservative Peter McKay! Can you say lover's spat? Peter was not seen at all on the Hill yesterday. I can't figure out if he is more upset about the defection or all the pictures of Belinda with Bill Clinton! Tune in tomorrow for more of....As The Parliament Turns....

Things I Learned Today....

Number 1: A pedicure is a kick-ass way to spend an afternoon

Number 2: My car is very very very very very hard to break into. (Knock on Wood)

Number 3: When going for a pedicure, make sure you don't leave your keys in the car and lock the door because you will spend most of your pedicure figuring out how you are going to get into your car.

Number 4: My sister and her husband are always there for me, no matter what. Even if you do something stupid like lock your keys in your car.

Number 5: I need to divorce my mother - that one is going to be hard.

Number 6: I regress into a child when I am nervous or anxious.

Number 7: Red Robin makes the most amazing onion rings and even better sauces to dip them in.

Number 8: Although the onion rings are super tasty, they give you gas. Bad gas. You should never eat them if you are going to be around people. Thank god I live alone.

Number 9: Wow, there is a lot of Seniors in my neighbourhood and they all go to vote at 10 am. All of them. Every single last one. Who thought voting could make you late for a therapy session.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring....

Guess Where I am Going in Less Than Two Hours?

Guess. Come on! Guess! No really, guess. Okay, I will tell you. I am going my very first pedicure! How a girl gets to be 28 and not have been for a pedicure is beyond me! My feet are getting so excited! I think the pedicure may just be a nice addition to Therapy Tuesday....

Get Your Butt and there and Vote Vote Vote!

Okay, BC friends, tomorrow is election day! Get your asses out there and vote vote vote! Even if you didn't receive a card in the mail, you can still vote with proper ID and proof of residence. Check out: www.elections.bc.ca for more info!

Only 55% of us voted last time.....let's beat that!

Old, Old, Old....

So, my postings in the last couple of weeks seem to be centred around the fact I am getting old. There are many signs of it, many strange things happening in my body that are signaling my age. So, instead of trying to cover them up, I am going to air my dirty "old" age secrets and the strange things that are happening with my body in the process....

So, here we go....

Creepy Things that are Happening to Me as I Get Older.....

Hair Growth - okay, so I have the odd grey hair. Not a big deal. Well, at least not a big deal until I start to get grey pubic hair, then I will freak. But it is the stray hairs that "pop up". Yes, as I mentioned in comments a few days ago, I have a couple nipple hairs. So gross. Nothing makes you feel like less of a girl than a hair growing out of your tit. And then there is the "goat hair", you know, or maybe you don't, those long black hairs that grow out of your chin. I have a couple of them and they creep up over night. Bastards. I always find them when I am out and try to rip them out with my fingernails. I can never get them and end up curling the hair. Great, curly goat hair. Almost as gross as the hair that grows on my big toe.

Muscle Pain - Yup. You guys have heard me talk about this before, but I have mysterious pain. My wrist hurts when it is used too much and when it is going to rain. Sometimes, my muscles will hurt for no good reason.

Fatigue - Okay, so sometimes I have to have a nap in the middle of the day. Sad, oh so sad. I mean, I can sleep for 8 hours at night and then have a nap at 2 pm. What is up with that? I used to stay up for 48 hours at a time.

Wrinkles - Yup. Crows feet, laugh lines. They are all there. And then I am wrinkling in places I never knew you could get wrinkles.

Cheap Drunk - I can't figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I cannot hold my alcohol anymore. After one glass of wine, I turn into a fool, a bright red slurring fool.

The Body Shift - my body is, well, shifting. Things are moving around. Things are sagging, spreading and not wear they used to be. Not anywhere close.

So, there you go. I am getting old. It is inevitable, I suppose. Thank goodness for wax, face cream and push-up bras....

Does anybody else worry....

....that the noise from your vibrator can be heard by others in the quiet of the night? I live in a heritage home that has been suited. I can hear their footsteps, do you thinking they can hear my buzzing?

Mystery Pain...

Okay, I know I am getting older. Much older. But, this morning I woke up with full blown "mystery pain". Like all of my back muscles are spasming at once. I feel like someone has kicked my in the kidneys and stood on my shoulders. My lungs are aching too. It is so strange. I am been trying to solve the mystery of where the pain is coming from, and I can't quite figure it out. I walked around a lake yesterday, that shouldn't do it. I have been spending as much time as I usually do in front of a computer, that shouldn't do it. I am wondering if I am having one of the flus in my backs. Or maybe I was sleeping walking last night and fell down the stairs. I think I am going back to bed....bring on the codeine and feeling sorry for myself....

You Know You've Done Good When.....

....your rent-o-dog is so tired from the big walk around the lake that her snoring is shaking the bed. I am not sure if I am going to be able to fall asleep with all this racket, but man, she looks happy! I need to get a dog of my own....only two more days with Dakota!

You Gotta Love Italian...

When I was a kid, I used to believe in soul mates. That there was that one special person out there for me and no one else would do. My goal in life was to search out that person, never being complete until that glorious moment until our eyes locked. Sparks would fly while a flourish of music rang throughout the hilltops......

Bull shit. All bull shit. I have figured out love doesn't work that way for me. I am not really sure it works that way for anyone. You may think, "well, that is because you haven't met him yet". Nope, I don't believe it anymore. I don't believe there is just one person out there for me. I think there are many different people, different mates out there. It is a matter of meeting them at the right place and the right time.

Tonight, my mind wondered back to my little Italian, Matteo. He may just have been one of those wrong times, wrong places kind of guys. You see, Matteo came to work for a couple months at the research facility I work at. He stayed on site in an old home, a home that my office is located in. My first introduction to him was not the smoothest of sailings. I actually think I completely grossed him out. A bird had crashed into our patio and broke its neck. But it was so beautiful that I thought it may be a useful specimen for students to study at the university in town. So, I scooped up the bird and placed it in the kitchen freezer of the old home not knowing anyone was to be living there to prevent it from decaying before I could get it to the university. The next day, on the way to my office, I walked into find a note on the kitchen table. In very big letters it read: "Remove the dead bird from the freezer". Oops, the Italian had found it. Oops, I guess I can't tell him a dead bird in the freezer is a traditional Canadian welcoming gift. Oops, this guys is going to hate me.

We finally met face to face and I apologized for the bird. We laughed. We got to know together quite well and spent an truly fun evening together looking for the Northern Lights and talking about everything. Well, talking as best we could with the language barrier. We seemed to have a good connection as we chatted bundled up outside, drinking hot chocolate, gazing at the amazing night sky. We talked about our pasts and the future for hours and never did see any aurora. I went home excited to see him again. And then I got sick. I guess a night outside in the winter's cold didn't do much for my immune system. I was off work for the next couple of weeks and by the time I returned, Matteo had gone back to Italy. That was that.

But, thinking back to Matteo, I often wonder if we really did have a connection. Was he one of those people I am compatible with? I swear his eyes twinkled when he talked to me. My heart raced thinking of him after our night of skygazing. Was this a case of wrong place, wrong time or was I caught up in the romantic setting? I guess I will never know.

Matteo and I still email back and forth every once in a while. He still hopes to come and live in Canada one day and we send each other pictures of the Northern Lights. Maybe I will see him again, maybe I won't. What I do know is whenever I see a dead bird, I think of my little Italian fondly.

The State of Politics in BC...

For those of you who have been with me since the beginning, you may remember Video Game Boy. The boy I met at a Video Game Store and dated briefly last fall. To summarize the story, we met, he came to a Halloween Party during which he did an acapella rendition on "Fuck the Police", I ignored all of my "man, this guy is creepy vibes" and I let him into my bedroom. He was super intense and things turned sour when his "dominant" side came out in bed, telling me I was to be his "cum slut" and left me with the most unsightly bruises on my chest. Oh yeah, did I mention he fantasized about slapping me across the face?

Well, tonight while channel surfing, his face appeared on TV. The face that called me a "whore" and a "filthy wench". And guess what? He is running in the BC provincial election. And this folks is the state of politics in BC today. Yes, what you do in the bedroom, should stay in the bedroom and I am not denying his passion for politics and political issues. He may be a great MLA if he got elected, but once again it made me really think about who is running our government.

I know far too many of Video Game Boy's dirty little secrets. And maybe that is why politicians try to keep their personal lives out of the political arena. But then again, I wonder who would vote for him if they knew he liked to hit girls. I know dominance and submission is a turn on to many people, but with him, it came out so quickly, without hesitation and without regard for me. There was no trust and he scared me. I was honestly terrified things were going to go too far and he wouldn't stop. And that is when I kicked him out of my bed and took him home. If there is no trust on such an intimate level, I question his integrity as a politician.

So, Video Game Boy, good luck. I won't be voting for you, but then again, you are not in my riding. Now that you are on the political stage, a word of advice....be careful who you show your dark side to. The next girl may decide to name names.

Karma or Stupidity?

So, I just came back from an evening run to the local convenience store to pick up my oh so favourite rootbeer Slurpee to enjoy during Survivor. Yes, yes, I hear your collective groan at the mention of THAT show, but I love it! I do! Anyhoo, as I was getting cash out of the bank machine, I realized it had given me $40 extra dollars! For a second, it crossed my mind to keep the cash and not say anything, and get a new pair of sexy summer strappy sandals. But then, the angel on my shoulder chimed in, slaughtering the little red devil in her sexy new shoes. I gave the money over to the store clerk. She took down my name and phone number in case no one claimed it. And I went on my way feeling pretty good about want I had done, my rootbeer Slurpee in hand.

As I drove home, I thought, am I an idiot? The guy in line behind me seemed to think so! So, my question to you, what would you do? I could have had new shoes! Would you have kept the money without saying a word, or would you have given it up like me? Do you believe what goes around, comes around? Or I am a fool without new shoes? Would I have even been able to wear my new shoes in peace fearing for a broken ankle everytime I hit the street? Is Karma all it is cracked up to be? I guess we will see.....

Loss.....and Found?

I have lost a lot of people in my life - some more significant than the rest. This week, I lost my hairdresser. Yes, I knew it would happen someday, but I never prepared myself for it. And last week, the realization hit me, he was gone! Gone! Not returning phone calls, gone, as he had taken on a new line of work. I had heard the rumours for a month now, but I always thought "he'll be back. Tim would never leave me! He always promised to be there for me and my hair". Boy, I was wrong. Oh so wrong. And with only a couple weeks until I am in my best friend's wedding, something had to be done to my mane. Something major!

So, I wound up my courage and called the "new girl" Sharleen. I had seen her work, but I still had my doubts! How could she be good? Would she know my hair? What if it all fell out? Flashbacks to my most humiliating poddle perm which I tried to subdue with colour weren't helping! All I could see was the triangular purple poof on top of my head and all the cool people calling me "Purple Hollycomb". Ah! Let me tell you, I was scared, oh so scared! Could anyone replace Tim? Would she ruin my hair for my friend's big day? The answer - hell no!

It is offical, I have "sex hair". Vamp hair. Hair that screams, throw me on the floor and fuck me! It is hot, and believe me, I don't use those words ever when it comes to my apperance! It is espresso brown with fun layers that make it move around and look fabulous! Sharleen even straight ironed it for me! Does it get any better? Yes, yes it does, because I paid 50% less for this cute and colour than I did with Tim!

So, the moral, don't be so afraid of change. And honestly, it is just hair, it will grow back. Oh and Tim, good luck with your other business......I will be very happy with my new hair stylist!

It's Official, I am Going to Hell.

So, I received a comment on my last posting. It directed me to another person's blog about how many people we die today. It then begged the question, "Are you Good Enough to Get into Heaven?" So, I decided to take the test. What the hell right? Well, it appears I am going to hell. Does this upset me? Not really. I don't believe in hell. Well, not the kind of hell we read about or are told about in bible stories. I believe we make our own hell, right here, right now. I have seen it with members of my family. To live without love and tolerance and to live with bitterness, judgment and contempt is hell....it is hell on Earth.

I am not a religious person. I never have been and I never will be. That being said, I am spiritual. I believe in a recycling of energy. As a scientist, we learn that energy can neither be created or destroyed. I believe that of the human spirit. My dad is around me always. I talk to him, I tell him I love him. I believe he shows himself to me in different ways. At my sister's wedding, as we were waiting to walk down the aisle, a butterfly flew around us and landed in my bouquet. It circled around us as we walked to her husband. It then circled them and spiraled up towards the sun and disappeared. That was him. That was his energy. That was his way of being present on an important day.

Growing up in a crazy religious town, I saw much hypocrisy from the so-called "chosen people". My family was shunned for not going to church. I think our Sundays were far better than church could have been. On Sundays, our family would spend time together. We would go for walks up our neighbourhood creek, we would take naps outside, we would play softball and we would be a family. To me, I have learned more from those times, being with my Dad than I could ever learn from sitting in a stuffy church, falling asleep, being lectured. To me, love of a family and love of nature is my religion, is my spirit.

So, yes, according to some of you, I am going to hell, whatever that may be. But I beg of you, let your god be the judge. Don't judge me. Don't feel for me. Don't "save" me. I have an awfully good life. And despite what you may think, I am an awfully good person. And, if I end up in hell, I'll meet up with all of my friends and we will have one hell of a party!

I'm in Love!

Yes folks, it is official, I am in love. She is blonde, brown-eyed and maybe a little fuzzy - yes, I am in love with a dog. A golden retriever to be exact. Her name, Dakota. Okay, well, I have known Dak for a long time, you see, she is my sister's dog. And since her family is in Disneyland, the dog is mine! Muhahahahahhahahahaha! Okay, well, she is mine for another week. But she is so great. I have fallen in love with having another warm body around the house whose tail is always a wagging. There is nothing like a bit of company to lift your spirits. She is so much fun and so loving. As I write this, she is lying beside me. She is always there and she knows when I am down.

My Dakota-sitting was a little test. A test to see if I am ready for the responsibility of having a doggie. The overwhelming answer - Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes! I have been wanting to get a goldie forever, and it looks like there is no better time than now. The only problem, I have to convince my Strata Council, which consists of 3 whole people including me, to let me have a dog. Maybe Dakota can work some of her charm!

So, thank you Dakota for coming to visit! I am super excited we have another week together....and you always have a place to stay whenever you want. And hopefully, you will get alone with my doggie when he or she arrives in my life!

Things in the Mail!

I love love love getting "things" in the mail! Not bills, but fun things like my book order! I am waiting for a stack of books with baited breath! One of them, my therapist recommended. It is called "People of the Lie" - she says it is about my grandparents who were truly evil. You may think of that as a overstatement, but it is not. Every once in a while, something happens to make people evil. I would love to know what it is. Really I would. What made my grandpa a child molester? What made my grandmother stand by and watch? Why would these two people ridicule and taunt and laugh at their granddaughter? Why would these people lie? Lie about everything. Say terrible things about people I love just to get a rise out of me. It is that true evil does walk this Earth. We need to protect ourselves and our loved ones from it. As for my grandparents, I guess their punishment was living with each other for over 50 years in a completely loveless, tortures marriage. My grandfather died several years ago and my grandmother lives alone. I won't see her anymore. I don't need evil in my life. You may think this is cold or mean or that family or blood should come above all. I disagree. The last time I saw my grandmother was shortly after I had bought my Geo Tracker. She looked at me and looked at the car and said "Wow, how are you ever going to fit in such a small car?" with a smirk on her face. She laughed at me the one time I stood up to her for calling me ugly and fat. She doesn't deserve my love, she doesn't deserve my attention, she doesn't deserve my time. I would rather not have "evil" in my life - I have had to put up with it for too long.

I will let you guys know how the book is.....if it ever gets here! Oh, Mr Postman, can you see, if there's a package in your bag for me.....

The Jizz Light

One of the most thoughtful and creative gifts I ever received was my own personal "Jizz Light". Yes, yes, it is a small UV light on a keychain. My friend from work gave it to me for Christmas a few years back after I informed him that uv light can show you where, well, quite honestly, semen or cum has been left behind, not to mention other products of our bodies. He didn't believe me, so he got me the light so we could go on a jizz search of our place of work. Now, you may ask, "Cass, how do you know this?" Well, honestly my brain is filled with more useless facts than useful, and being someone who worked at a currency exchange for many years, testing for counterfeit currency under uv light, you learn a few things. Like, no matter how clean you think your dress is after your "date", have it dry cleaned. Trust me on this one. You will save yourself much ridicule. I think it is something they should have told us about in the training manual, but I digress...

In all honesty, it really is truly amazing what "we" leave behind. Now granted, some other human (poop, pee and I think saliva) material as well as non-human produced substances (club soda and gingerly) can "glow-in-the-dark" with the jizz light, but I believe those are the exception rather than the rule! At work, we all decided to find out what had been going on through jizz light detection. In one of our presentation rooms, there was definitely "something" left behind on the one of the seat cushions. The offices were even worse.

It really got me thinking.....people have sex everywhere! Me included! I think some people get off on the excitement of getting caught and the dangerous feeling we get when being naughty. To be honest, I have been a good girl for most of my life, so it is nice to take a walk on the wild side in my private sex life. I feel dangerous, I feel naughty and most of all, I feel like a Vixen when I have sex in a dangerous location. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not the kind of girl to have sex on a crowded public beach, but I have had some fun experiences. I have naughty rendezvous in elevators, stairwells, balconies, hot tubs, in my university gardens, at a rest stop, in the middle of the woods, on playground equipment and 20 feet away from various family members. Was I frightened of getting caught? Hell yeah. But it did make it all that much more fun!

So I wonder, is it just me? Somehow, I don't think so with the evidence gathered from my jizz light! Where is all this sex happening? Do people ever get caught? What would I do if I got caught?

So, tell me.....where have you unleashed your inner vixen? Oh yes, and Capitaine, can you explain how the "mark" the jizz light detected got in the work "presentation" room?

Safe Shagging all in those very dangerous and naughty locations....but be careful what you leave behind.....you never know when I will be along with the "jizz light"!

Where do you hide your "goodies"?

I am sure most of us have a "goodie" drawer! You know, that place, that special place where you keep your sex toys, various erotic literature and buckets of lube. A handy place that gives you easy access to your "goodies" when you need them most, but keeps them squirreled away from prying eyes who may enter your home. For me, I keep condoms under my clock radio (I wonder if that is bad for them, hmmmm....) and the rest of my goodies at the back of my underwear drawer, underneath some lingerie. Not the most unique place, but it is safe, hidden away from the world and within arms reach of my bed. But I wonder where others hide their "goodies"?

I must admit, when I go to visit a friend, one of my first thoughts is "I wonder where they keep their treasure chest....." Isn't that horrible? It must stem from my chance encounter under my parents bed at the age of 12. You see, I was being a rotten child searching for Christmas presents one day after school. Both my mom and my step-dad were out at work, so I was able to search freely. I thought to myself, "If I was going to hide something I didn't want found, where would I do it?" Of course, under the bed. So, I started my search. I didn't find any Christmas presents, but I did find a wealth of goodies. I first stumbled across a ton of Playboys. Okay, not too bad. Most men seem to have a stash of those. And then I found another pile, the Playgirls! Mom, you vixen! As I leafed through the magazines, I was quite shocked at the numerous cocks displayed before my 12 year old self! Me and my dirty little pubescent mind decided to explore further! What else could be hiding behind the skirt of that bed? I next pulled out a game, the Erogenous Zone! If I didn't know what an erogenous zone was, I certainly found out after that. The game contained props as well including massage oils and lubricants. I put the game back together and for a split second though about not continuing. And then I felt it, a bag. A harmless looking sports bag. Hmmm, what could be in here? Better judgment should have taken over at that point, but I was almost a dirty teenager, I just had to look. Today I wish I hadn't. Hidden amongst the scarves I can only assume were used for light bondage was the biggest pink dildo I had ever seen. Okay, I had never seen a dildo at that point of my life, but it was enormous. To this day, through all of my many excursion to local sex shops, I have never, ever seen a dildo that large. The pink dildo cured my curiosity for that day and I carefully put everything back under the bed just at it had been. I was scarred. And I never searched for Christmas presents again.

Last year, at a family wedding, my sister, step-sister and I started joking about my parents' sex life after a bottle of wine. You see, the second marriage opened up new sexual experiences my both my mom and my step-dad. We were joking about their Friday night excursions. Every Friday night, they would "head to bed early". And then it would start. First the loud music and then the "sex sounds" meant to be covered by the loud music. We were having a giggle over our parents obliviousness, when my step-sister said the words I will never forget "You think that was bad, you should see what I found underneath their bed!" "Oh my god," I shouted, "the big pink dildo". My sister squealed, she had found it too! On separate occasions, all three of us had been scarred at the sight of the biggest dildo we had ever seen.

So, take care when you are hiding your goodies. You may just end up a family joke many years later! Oh yeah, and stay out of my underwear drawer. And if you ever see a mysterious old pot sitting on my stove when you stop by unexpectedly, don't look inside, I may just be boiling my vibe, and I don't want to scar you for life!

Strange Things Heard at 12:46 pm......

Standing outside Timmy Ho's waiting for my gay husband, I heard a Musac version of Sheryl Crow's "All I Wanna Do Is Have Some Fun". Elevator music meets chick rock. All I can say is strange, oh so strange....

And This Week's Flavour Is....

So, I have got myself a little crush. Yup. And once again it is not a person I will ever meet in my life. Are you ready? Dun dun dunnnnnn daaaaaa......

Joey Gilbert

Okay, so who the hell is that you may ask? Well, being the awful TV junkie that I am, I have recently become hooked on a little show about boxing called the Contender. And this kid is good. And cute. And hot. And he can beat people up. And yet he seems really nice and sweet. Maybe it is an act, or maybe it is just editing, but this guy seems really really good on paper. Loves his family, college educated and wow, one hell of a body. Last night, he fought his heart out. The problem, he lost by a split decision. No more Joey on my show but I am sure I will get to see him on a talk show or two in the next couple of week.

So, Joey Gilbert, I am officially adding you to my Masterbation Catalogue for being a great guy and a real cutie. If you are ever in Canada, call me.

My Blog is Oh So Dirty! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr......

So, I just found out some keywords that people used to find my blog.....I think they might be disappointed when they get here, but anyhoo! Here are some of my favourites.....

drunk dialing exboyfriend
sexual subduction video
young bride fantasizes about two cocks in her pussy

I mean, yes I write erotic stories, but I haven't published any on blog. That last one could make a great story though don't you think?

I've Been Blog Tagged!

Okay, Miss Bea, you got me! I have been tagged! So here is how this little game works....

I got this list. I responded to five (you can do more) and then added three (you can do more) of my own. The chosen few that I tagged, you must now take the new list, answer 5 (you can do more) , add three (you can do more) of your own and then tag 3 (you can do more) people of your own. Get it? Good. Here goes.

The List:
If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...(by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate...(By Teach)
If I could be a servicemember...(By Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner...(By Blue944)
If I could be an actor... (By Blue944)
If I could be an agent...(By KelBel)
If I could be video game designer...(By KelBel)
If I could be a comic book artist...(By Stoli)
If I could be an exotic dancer...(by LuckySpinster)
If I could be a mental health professional...(by LuckySpinster)
If I could be a nail technician...(by LuckySpinster)
If I could be a character in a movie...(by Beatrice Petty)
If I could be a beauty queen...(by Beatrice Petty)
If I could be an enlightened despot...(by Beatrice Petty)

And The Ones from Me...
If I could be a guru......
If I could be an astronaut.....
If I could be anybody else....

Okay, so here goes my answers.....

If I could be a business owner I would open up the sex shop that I always wanted too! Not one of those gross ones people are afraid to walk into, but a classy one with a nice variety of toys for the bedroom. And lots of anal beads for my friend Mr.

If I could be a beauty queen, I would wear my crown everywear. Actually, sometimes I wear a crown out in public on my own....you should see the looks I get pumping gas.

If I could be a chef, I would make erotic cakes for my sex shop. I once made this giant penis cake. It was a hoot.

If I could be a bonnie pirate, I would make sure everyone celebrated "talk like a pirate day" on September 19th and get it declared a national holiday! Ar, me mateys!

If I could be a painter, I would travel around the world painting everything and anything I saw. I would spend much time in Paris painting the buildings and the people. And, Once I had honed my craft, maybe I would start to use new canvasses....like people. Then I could sell the people in my sex shop....Okay, well maybe not the people, maybe just pictures of them...

Oh yeah! And I hereby tag Marleybone Coach, Capitaine J and Myche.

Ha ha! Have fun kids...